Spread a thin layer of butter over the outside of your slices of bread, and then put the sandwich together and throw it in the machino. When it comes out you'll be ready to eat an awesome meal. Serve with Pepsi.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Il Panini Crabnini
This is Il Panini Crabnini, the recipe that made me a star in Italy. You're gonna need crab meat, paprika, red pepper, garlic, mushroom, red bell pepper, onion, and your Panino Machino. Basically you're just gonna cut up all your ingredients and sautee them with a little butter, later adding the red pepper and salt. Don't go overboard on the red pepper, because it tends to overpower the flavor of the whole sammich.
Spread a thin layer of butter over the outside of your slices of bread, and then put the sandwich together and throw it in the machino. When it comes out you'll be ready to eat an awesome meal. Serve with Pepsi.
Spread a thin layer of butter over the outside of your slices of bread, and then put the sandwich together and throw it in the machino. When it comes out you'll be ready to eat an awesome meal. Serve with Pepsi.
How to Cook Crab the Papini Way
First, you'll need need to cook your crabs. To do this, get a big lump of butter. Put it in a pot. Put minced garlic on it, and then cover that with some paprika. Turn on the heat until the butter melts. Mix it all up with a fork.
Don't use a wooden spatula or a big spoon or anything. Those are for pansies. You need to feel the heat on your fingers. That and I couldn't find my wooden spatula. Now, put an inch or two of water in the pot. Put some more butter in if you really want to. Let it be until it starts to boil.
While you wait for it to bubble (this shouldn't take long), you should clean your crabs with water and a sponge, especially if it just came from the bay. You can die just from breathing near that water. I've seen it. Anyways if the crabs are moving around a lot you might have to fight them first.
Cut slices of lemon and put them in the pot. When the water is boiling again, throw the crabs in one by one and watch their death throes (if that's the kind of thing you're into). Then put the top on the pot, and let cook for five or more minutes, shaking occasionally, then flip the crabs over and cook five or so more minutes.
Note: this recipe works excellently for crawdads, nature's tastiest crustacean. Hopefully in the summer I'll have some crawnini recipes.
When they've finished cooking, and have that nice red color, you're ready to take them out and smell them. (Make sure not to overcook them! The first time I cooked crabs, I saw white stuff coming out of them, and thought it was pollution or something, so I waited until it stopped. It turned out that it was the meat boiling off. I had empty crab shells with brown residue for dinner that night. My family was ashamed of me) If you like, you can put a little lemon hat on the crab to make it look more festive.
Pop the top shell off the crab and disconnect it. There should be a yellow pasty stuff in this shell. This is called the body butter, and some people throw it away, but it's actually the most flavorful part of the crab. You can make up your own mind whether you want to eat it.
Yum. Now that the top is off, shave the gills off of the main body, and then cut it in half. This is all good to eat. If you were to be eating just the crab, this is how you would serve it, except with little hammers.
Caution: Eating crab or crawdad has the potential to be a very emotional experience. Try not to be alone, and refrain from anthropomorphizing your animals. Nobody wants to eat their pet. I remember once I caught and cooked crawdads alone, and ate them alone. It felt like I was eating a human tongue, and after I stopped eating, my stomach felt warm and alive and it felt like such a waste of life. It was almost enough to make me go vegetarian. Thankfully I got over it and was back to meat-eating within the day. Phew. A good way to avoid what I call "The well-fed hunter's lament" is to either not eat meat unnecessarily, or just try not to view the meat as parts of a whole, but as specific tasty slabs of food.
Don't use a wooden spatula or a big spoon or anything. Those are for pansies. You need to feel the heat on your fingers. That and I couldn't find my wooden spatula. Now, put an inch or two of water in the pot. Put some more butter in if you really want to. Let it be until it starts to boil.
While you wait for it to bubble (this shouldn't take long), you should clean your crabs with water and a sponge, especially if it just came from the bay. You can die just from breathing near that water. I've seen it. Anyways if the crabs are moving around a lot you might have to fight them first.
Cut slices of lemon and put them in the pot. When the water is boiling again, throw the crabs in one by one and watch their death throes (if that's the kind of thing you're into). Then put the top on the pot, and let cook for five or more minutes, shaking occasionally, then flip the crabs over and cook five or so more minutes.
Note: this recipe works excellently for crawdads, nature's tastiest crustacean. Hopefully in the summer I'll have some crawnini recipes.
When they've finished cooking, and have that nice red color, you're ready to take them out and smell them. (Make sure not to overcook them! The first time I cooked crabs, I saw white stuff coming out of them, and thought it was pollution or something, so I waited until it stopped. It turned out that it was the meat boiling off. I had empty crab shells with brown residue for dinner that night. My family was ashamed of me) If you like, you can put a little lemon hat on the crab to make it look more festive.
Pop the top shell off the crab and disconnect it. There should be a yellow pasty stuff in this shell. This is called the body butter, and some people throw it away, but it's actually the most flavorful part of the crab. You can make up your own mind whether you want to eat it.
Yum. Now that the top is off, shave the gills off of the main body, and then cut it in half. This is all good to eat. If you were to be eating just the crab, this is how you would serve it, except with little hammers.
Caution: Eating crab or crawdad has the potential to be a very emotional experience. Try not to be alone, and refrain from anthropomorphizing your animals. Nobody wants to eat their pet. I remember once I caught and cooked crawdads alone, and ate them alone. It felt like I was eating a human tongue, and after I stopped eating, my stomach felt warm and alive and it felt like such a waste of life. It was almost enough to make me go vegetarian. Thankfully I got over it and was back to meat-eating within the day. Phew. A good way to avoid what I call "The well-fed hunter's lament" is to either not eat meat unnecessarily, or just try not to view the meat as parts of a whole, but as specific tasty slabs of food.
How to Catch Crabs (lolz)
This is the Problogue to the Crabnini, which will be tasty. In order to catch crabs (lolz), you will need a few necessary ingredients: 1) An ocean, or in my case, a bay. (Why aren't there seagulls in the bay? Because otherwise, THEY'D BE BAYGULLS!!!!!!! AHAHAHFHDSLKFH AKLJJJHA) 2) A net and a bait-cage. The bait-cage is just so that the little crabbies don't steal the bait and scuttle away. 3) Chicken thighs, from Grocery Outlet, or someplace like that. You can also get it from a dumpster or someplace like that. Crabs aren't picky. I've known old hot dogs to be very effective. 4) You're gonna need a knife. In the picture it's a Swiss Army knife, which I hate, but I couldn't find my other one. Sometimes you just have to make do. 5) Twine. This can be obtained at your local Ikea, or, failing that, the same dumpster from step 3, above. I used fishing line, because I left the twine at home. Never use fishing line. You will hate your life. 6) A paper bag, to put the crabbies in after you capture them with your net. 7) A striped shirt, preferably white and black, Alcatraz style, but in a pinch, red and white or black and blue will work. 8) A box of ten or so toastable waffles. These are important. (Eggos are preferred, but I managed to make do with Krusteaz this time)
Tie the bait-cage to the net, and then tie the twine to the net. You'll need enough twine so that the net rests on the ocean floor. It's better to go closer to the shore than out on the end of the pier. I always stay right next to the glorious stench of the Men's (no Boys) bathroom near the rocks, and whenever I talk to fellow Crabfishers, I'm usually the only one with a respectable catch. And my net is tiny. Anyways, so you put a chicken thigh in the cage (make sure it's not boneless, because the crabbies will just suck it through the wire), and then choose a zen location to throw the net. It should sink. If not, try again. Remember to hold on to the other end of the twine. If you have neglected this step already, you'll need to buy new materials. Now that your net is on the ocean floor, sit down and read a book or talk to people or something. I don't really care; this is your time.
When you're ready to check on the net, (don't worry, when it's time, you'll just know. It's a spiritual thing. It should take at least five or ten minutes though) assume a manly crabfishing stance and pull up on the twine, until you can see the net. Hopefully you'll have crabs by now (lolz), but if not, put the net back a few feet away from its previous position. If you see some of the little bastards in there, then take them out. They're much too small, trust me. You'll know when you see one worth eating. Caution: They're really hard to pull out; their little legs latch onto the net and then they get tangled. Just turn the net upside down and they should let go eventually.
Once you catch one or two good-sized ones (make sure to make a big show of pulling them out with your big manly self; don't be afraid to pretend that the net is really heavy. The girls eat that stuff right up) you should change places. Replace your chicken, and then throw the net somewhere else. My lucky spot is to the left of the bathrooms, next to the hot dog stand. But for now, it's time for lunch.
Now that you're well-fed and no longer in danger of eating the chicken, you can do a check-up on your crabs (lolz). With any luck, a group of girl scouts should show up and ask a lot of questions, giving you the chance to pretend to be funny and manly and good at crabfishing. Try to have at least one crab already in the bag, so that you look cool when they ask if you've gotten any yet.
Congratulations! You have crabs! (lolz)
Tie the bait-cage to the net, and then tie the twine to the net. You'll need enough twine so that the net rests on the ocean floor. It's better to go closer to the shore than out on the end of the pier. I always stay right next to the glorious stench of the Men's (no Boys) bathroom near the rocks, and whenever I talk to fellow Crabfishers, I'm usually the only one with a respectable catch. And my net is tiny. Anyways, so you put a chicken thigh in the cage (make sure it's not boneless, because the crabbies will just suck it through the wire), and then choose a zen location to throw the net. It should sink. If not, try again. Remember to hold on to the other end of the twine. If you have neglected this step already, you'll need to buy new materials. Now that your net is on the ocean floor, sit down and read a book or talk to people or something. I don't really care; this is your time.
When you're ready to check on the net, (don't worry, when it's time, you'll just know. It's a spiritual thing. It should take at least five or ten minutes though) assume a manly crabfishing stance and pull up on the twine, until you can see the net. Hopefully you'll have crabs by now (lolz), but if not, put the net back a few feet away from its previous position. If you see some of the little bastards in there, then take them out. They're much too small, trust me. You'll know when you see one worth eating. Caution: They're really hard to pull out; their little legs latch onto the net and then they get tangled. Just turn the net upside down and they should let go eventually.
Once you catch one or two good-sized ones (make sure to make a big show of pulling them out with your big manly self; don't be afraid to pretend that the net is really heavy. The girls eat that stuff right up) you should change places. Replace your chicken, and then throw the net somewhere else. My lucky spot is to the left of the bathrooms, next to the hot dog stand. But for now, it's time for lunch.
Now that you're well-fed and no longer in danger of eating the chicken, you can do a check-up on your crabs (lolz). With any luck, a group of girl scouts should show up and ask a lot of questions, giving you the chance to pretend to be funny and manly and good at crabfishing. Try to have at least one crab already in the bag, so that you look cool when they ask if you've gotten any yet.
Congratulations! You have crabs! (lolz)
Monday, February 2, 2009
Creole Crumble Panino
This is my first Bloggo Posto, and it's one of my favorite panino recipes yet. It's called a Creole Crumble because is Creolish and because "Crumble" makes it an alliteration, which is catchy. You'll sound cool to all your chums.
Ingredients:
Some red bell pepper, some onion (preferably red, but do whatever you like. I like red best because it's most flavorful, and for this recipe it's nice to be able to taste all the distinct flavors), a mushroom or two, cheese, Creole seasoning, and most importantly, a Lousiana Hot sausage. Most of the ingredients are pictured below. You can't tell from looking, but the red onion is oozing and smells bad. That's okay for this recipe; in fact I think it might even help. You'll notice the perfect panino-shaped bread. I made that bread specifically for panino-purposes. Later I'm gonna show how I make it even more panino-friendly. If I find the perfect panino-bread recipe, I'll post it, but until then use whatever tickles your pickle. Or not.
Procedure:
Dice all your vegetables and your sausage, making sure to put equal amounts of everything into your bowl (you should have a bowl out at this point. A cup works in a pinch), except you can lay the sausage on a little heavy, if you're of that inclination. It should look like the picture (the stuff in the bowl, not the bowl itself)
Now that you've made a mess of perfectly good-looking vegetables, you're probably wondering how you're going to salvage the sausage. The answer is that you're going to sautee the whole bowl of stuff (again, not the bowl itself, but the contents of said bowl) and it'll end up tasting good. You'll see when you get there. You only need a little bit of butter; you don't want it to get too greasy (but if, like me, you have a really bad pan, put as much butter as you need so that the stuff doesn't stick to the bottom) As you sautee, don't be shy with the pepper and salt. If you look at the next picture, you'll notice that I'm taking time away from stirring specifically to put on pepper. Pepper is very important.
Sautee until it has had time to sizzle in the sausage-juices and looks somewhat uniform in color. Don't worry if you don't like hot stuff (well, you should worry that you're insane and will never fully appreciate the wonders of that which is food, but you shouldn't worry about being bothered) because the hotness of the sausages should spread throughout the sandwich, making the whole experience milder. Scrape the brown stuff (the stuff that used to look nice until you cut it up and threw it in a pan) onto your panino-bread. A tip for all beginning Panino Artistes: don't be afraid to pile the panino-stuffing high. When you close the panino machino, it'll squish almost anything down, so you can put mountains of stuff in there and still end up with a manageable sandwich. In the next picture, you'll see that I didn't put all that much stuff in there. I could've balanced twice that amount and still have a structurally sound panino.
Yum. But don't eat it yet, it's still just a sandwich. It must be sealed and panino'd before it will become a real panino. The sealant is basically just cheese, but it can be anything that will melt and then solidify halfway. I used cheddar, but mostly because I didn't have swiss or provolone. I'd be open to using something even more fancy than provolone, but I don't think I've run into anything more fancy. Anyways, you wanna cheese it (I once had the job of cheesing omelettes while my boss cooked them. He would say "Cheese it, Cheezit!" and then laugh, and then after a while he'd say it again when someone new was watching. Therefore: I am an expert in cheesing things) and then when it's been properly cheesed, you're almost done. All that's left is to put it in your machino, but first, you can't skimp on the Creole seasoning. I've actually replaced my salt shaker with a Creole seasoning shaker. It's just that life-changing. Below you will see the Creole seasoning above a cheesed panino. (By the way, the Panino Machino should be warmed up by now. Sorry if I forgot to mention it before)
Now it's time. Hopefully you've restrained yourself long enough to put the sandwich in the Panino Machino, but if not, I sometimes have the same problem. It's okay to make another one, especially if you're on a diet; this way, you can say that you only made one, while really you've eaten two. Anyways, brush the sandwhich lightly with Olive oil on each side, and then put it in and look through the little crack to see if the cheese has melted. Once the cheese melts, turn the dial to the hottest setting, and wait for the perfect golden color, then open the Machino, put your panino on a plate, and serve with cold Pepsi.
Ingredients:
Some red bell pepper, some onion (preferably red, but do whatever you like. I like red best because it's most flavorful, and for this recipe it's nice to be able to taste all the distinct flavors), a mushroom or two, cheese, Creole seasoning, and most importantly, a Lousiana Hot sausage. Most of the ingredients are pictured below. You can't tell from looking, but the red onion is oozing and smells bad. That's okay for this recipe; in fact I think it might even help. You'll notice the perfect panino-shaped bread. I made that bread specifically for panino-purposes. Later I'm gonna show how I make it even more panino-friendly. If I find the perfect panino-bread recipe, I'll post it, but until then use whatever tickles your pickle. Or not.
Procedure:
Dice all your vegetables and your sausage, making sure to put equal amounts of everything into your bowl (you should have a bowl out at this point. A cup works in a pinch), except you can lay the sausage on a little heavy, if you're of that inclination. It should look like the picture (the stuff in the bowl, not the bowl itself)
Now that you've made a mess of perfectly good-looking vegetables, you're probably wondering how you're going to salvage the sausage. The answer is that you're going to sautee the whole bowl of stuff (again, not the bowl itself, but the contents of said bowl) and it'll end up tasting good. You'll see when you get there. You only need a little bit of butter; you don't want it to get too greasy (but if, like me, you have a really bad pan, put as much butter as you need so that the stuff doesn't stick to the bottom) As you sautee, don't be shy with the pepper and salt. If you look at the next picture, you'll notice that I'm taking time away from stirring specifically to put on pepper. Pepper is very important.
Sautee until it has had time to sizzle in the sausage-juices and looks somewhat uniform in color. Don't worry if you don't like hot stuff (well, you should worry that you're insane and will never fully appreciate the wonders of that which is food, but you shouldn't worry about being bothered) because the hotness of the sausages should spread throughout the sandwich, making the whole experience milder. Scrape the brown stuff (the stuff that used to look nice until you cut it up and threw it in a pan) onto your panino-bread. A tip for all beginning Panino Artistes: don't be afraid to pile the panino-stuffing high. When you close the panino machino, it'll squish almost anything down, so you can put mountains of stuff in there and still end up with a manageable sandwich. In the next picture, you'll see that I didn't put all that much stuff in there. I could've balanced twice that amount and still have a structurally sound panino.
Yum. But don't eat it yet, it's still just a sandwich. It must be sealed and panino'd before it will become a real panino. The sealant is basically just cheese, but it can be anything that will melt and then solidify halfway. I used cheddar, but mostly because I didn't have swiss or provolone. I'd be open to using something even more fancy than provolone, but I don't think I've run into anything more fancy. Anyways, you wanna cheese it (I once had the job of cheesing omelettes while my boss cooked them. He would say "Cheese it, Cheezit!" and then laugh, and then after a while he'd say it again when someone new was watching. Therefore: I am an expert in cheesing things) and then when it's been properly cheesed, you're almost done. All that's left is to put it in your machino, but first, you can't skimp on the Creole seasoning. I've actually replaced my salt shaker with a Creole seasoning shaker. It's just that life-changing. Below you will see the Creole seasoning above a cheesed panino. (By the way, the Panino Machino should be warmed up by now. Sorry if I forgot to mention it before)
Now it's time. Hopefully you've restrained yourself long enough to put the sandwich in the Panino Machino, but if not, I sometimes have the same problem. It's okay to make another one, especially if you're on a diet; this way, you can say that you only made one, while really you've eaten two. Anyways, brush the sandwhich lightly with Olive oil on each side, and then put it in and look through the little crack to see if the cheese has melted. Once the cheese melts, turn the dial to the hottest setting, and wait for the perfect golden color, then open the Machino, put your panino on a plate, and serve with cold Pepsi.
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